Clinging to Hope

holy experience

I’m desperately clinging to a hope in spring right now. While Thursday was a blessing of warmth on my face, the weekend turned my household into a cabin-fever, horomone -spiraling mess! I feel dry and barren and am longing for a resurrection. Church feels wanting. Relationships feel old insecurities rising into new disguises. Motherhood feels stretched. I turn around and feel all that is left undone.

And as I go through this period of darkness, however short or long it rages, I will cling to His promises because it is only as I list out the gratitude that my heart can erase the ugliness I see before me. The downcast will be lifted up. The broken will be healed. New springs will grow in desert places. I thirst and will be filled.  The book of Psalms and the words of Isaiah course through me like a balm. These are the books I return to when my heart cries out.

192) Little boys with their “labor saving device” (a broken bird call).

193) Little girls playing by mamma in the bath and needing bubbles.

194) A hot bath that soothes the soul.

195) The ability to add more hot water before washing diapers for the night.

196) The invention of liquid soup, body puffs, and disposable razors!

197) Throwing the “thinned” broccoli seedlings into my omelet for dinner.

198) Carrots mysteriously growing in the garden. Late/leftover germinating seeds?

198) Unexpectedly finding out the oregano and parsley survived the winter (and that my dear husband didn’t dig them up like I thought he did!).

199) Mint that is already overtaking the garden underneath piles of mulch leaves.

200) Crushing a mint leaf in my hand and smelling a little piece of heaven.

201) Looking forward to mint sun tea this summer!

202) A compost heap that’s been working all winter without my doing anything.

203) Fresh, new compost underneath all that ugliness on top! (I feel there’s a lesson in there somewhere for me!)

204) Rain boots that we managed to buy on time this year before the stores ran out.

205) Reading outside on the porch while watching the kids play.

206) Muddy jeans and having to use Spray and Wash again in the laundry.

207) Pulling out all the spring toys and books.

208) Watching the Beatrix Potter Peter Rabbit series on DVD.

209) Seeing the kids pretend their animals are Tiggy Winkles and Jemima and Mrs. Tabitha Twitchet.

210) Seeing Lily “reading” this series to Lilah and Luc.

211) Bird playing.

212) Seeing a mama deer and an American Kestrel on the way home from church.

213) Hearing a woodpecker when I opened my windows this afternoon.

214) Seeing the first batch of seedlings pushing up through the dirt.

215) Starting the second batch of tomato seedlings.

216) Finding an old schedule unexpectedly (literally fell on my head) that, as I’m looking over, am wondering why I ever changed it around to begin with.

217) Bills paid and enough money to last until next paycheck.

218) Recognizing the sound of a chickadee outside.

219) Listening to our new bird compilation with the kids.

220) Every last pipe cleaner used to make 20 toy caterpillars.

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