Green Pastures {and the gift of waiting}

Spring 2013 015

I’m laying here in bed trying desperately to rest. This 7th pregnancy has been hard, sure, but I figured I was one tough mom and could push my way through it like all the rest. I have a household to run, homeschool to finish, a garden that needs put in. I’m only extra tired because of the other six precious I am mothering.

Besides I am already the mom who lives the slow life, right? I just gave a Mops talk on it. I practice it. My family is not involved in too many activities. I am a “free range” mamma who gives her kids lots of time to just be a kid and use imaginations and allows play to grow brains and hearts. I make room for lots of white space in my life so that it can naturally be filled with those I most love to be with.

But I heard it this past week. He whispered to me through His word…

s l o w      d o w n

We’ve all heard it…Psalm 23. Yet one part I had to re-read about 10 times.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.”

I couldn’t shake these words, especially the word “make”.  Why not offer us green pastures? Why does He make me lie down? I think of sheep and their wondering ways. I think of my littles and forcing them to take naps that they need. And I think of my own stubbornness as a mother. Always working, never resting. Equating my activity with measurable productivity. Hadn’t I just warned other moms about making this same mistake?

Spring 2013 004

Spring 2013 003

So, of course, I totally took that same day to lay aside chores and to-do lists and sit in the newly green spring grass with my kids as they played. Right? Wrong. I did think about it as I pushed a reel-mower (our electric motor is on the fritz) and desperately tried to get this beautiful green jungle cut before the rain came in. I thought about nature sketching with my kids and sitting and reading while they played. It did sound nice but I still had things to do before this baby gets here.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.”

As I went two days later to my 37 week doctor appointment, these words were still swirling in my head. Then I got the news. My blood pressure is up. WAY up. My swelling is abnormal and that is why my fingers feel like they are arthritic. Before I knew it I was having blood drawn and having to collect urine samples for 24 hours and am now on bed rest.

No more chores.

No more walking.

No more gardening.

No more doing.

Only sitting or laying with feet elevated unless I have to use the restroom or eat.

Only waiting.

Waiting to see if this little one inside of me needs to be pulled out right away before catastrophe hits or waiting and resting to make it to that 39th week of induction.

I’ve been given the gift of rest and it feels like torture. I am living that verse right now yet everything in me is still shouting, “But, but, but…”

I am so glad my Heavenly Father makes me rest and gives me Sabbath. He knows that resting is the most “productive” activity I can do right now. So this mother’s day I will desperately try and listen to His wise voice. And when I fail I will remember that my strength is in Him, not in myself and I will lean.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

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